Best tour for extramarital activities and other rewards
As a Manhattanite who has been there and done this, I am familiar with the most exclusive residences in New York City.
From panoramic views of the park to suites to amenities that would make a Saudi prince salivate, I’m hard to impress.
So-called architectural achievements? Snooze.
Gongs for selling a billion dollar building – who cares?
But some New York tours are must-sees for reasons brokers hope to get under the rug.
So instead of regurgitating the same old praise for the brightest or the most expensive, I hand out trophies to buildings that meet the real (and dubious) needs of wealthy New Yorkers.
The overcompensation indemnity: Central Park Tower
Call him VIP BDE aspirant. Developers have erected so many ultra-tall residential skyscrapers in New York City because they know their ultra-rich clientele needs a lot of compensation – and we’re not talking about the money.
“Height is a powerful correlate of success in the human form,” urban psychologist Colin Ellard told The Post. “There has always been a cachet and a competitive element [to height]. “
Tall men, on average, have more education and larger bank balances than short men, according to Ellard. So it’s no surprise that men who lack a certain something buy big and big.
“[These buildings] are monuments of power and male dominance, ”said Leslie Kern, author of“ Feminist City ”.
“Toxic masculinity is embedded in the form itself. “
The race for male enhancement began with the arrival of Extell’s 1,004-foot One57 condo tower on Billionaires’ Row in 2014. Hedge fund billionaire Bill Ackman spent $ 100 million on his tippy top. Then there was Macklowe’s 432 Park at 1,397 feet, nicknamed “a middle finger on the New York skyline,” followed by 111 West 57th with fewer floors but higher, at 1,428 feet, and topped by ‘a penthouse triplex.
All of these ultra-tall skyscrapers are the architectural equivalents of a padded jockstrap – nearly a quarter of the floors at 432 Park, for example, are not houses, but rather storage space for essential mechanical or structural elements. , easily increasing the overall height.
But the winner is Extell’s latest effort: Central Park Tower. It is currently the tallest residential building in the world with 98 stories and 1,550 feet in height. A duplex unit in the building is currently asking for $ 150 million – the perfect remedy for standing under 6 feet.
The best building for extramarital activities: 168 Plymouth
A cad in need of a new pad should choose carefully, especially if you want to connect with a neighbor on the DL.
“Entries are like orgasms – there should be several,” said Paul Keable, director of strategy for the DIY business website, Ashley Madison. “And size matters – the bigger the building, the more residents and the greater the potential for anonymity.”
According to Keable’s condition, the 108 Leonard is a candidate for New York’s most business-oriented building – a trio of entrances and over 150 different residences. Another option is 15 Hudson Yards: there’s an inconspicuous connection between the door to the affordable housing complex and the more expensive plush crash pads next door, allowing you to enter through the first to reach your home in the second.
The best option, however, is at 168 Plymouth St. in Dumbo, if you follow the advice of Leeza Cooper, author of “How to Have an Affair: And How It Can Save Your Marriage.”
The recently converted older commercial property (where a three-bedroom is listed for $ 4.75 million) has abandoned its entrance on Jay Street in favor of a dimly-lit lane opening, where there is no subject doorman. to the blunders near the door.
“Privacy and confidentiality are the main criteria, and invisibility from the main roads,” she said.
She remembers a television producer she knew in Manhattan who kept his wife and actor boyfriend in different apartments in the same building for several years. It was only during a change of concierge that he was arrested.
“Could I get your boyfriend’s signature on this copy of his autobiography?” Asked the over enthusiastic new recruit.
Unfortunately, his wife was just getting out of the elevator and heard it all.
This is exactly the kind of mess we’re trying to avoid.
The paparazzi-proof building: The Wren
Outsmarting the paparazzi in an upscale apartment building is easy, according to legendary dad Ron Galella, whose photos of Jackie O and Liz Taylor were Post staple.
“Getting in and out of cars is great for photos – I’ve always done this when I staked out a restaurant, maybe Club 21,” he recalls. “You also get pictures of the woman’s sexy legs.”
He was also making his way into a building via its underground parking lots.
“I would take them down to the garage elevator – just go in, because no one is stopping you.” They think you are ok and you get away with it. With surprise, you can get away with anything.
The key, then, to warding off pros like Galella – or even regular selfie-hungry, iPhone-equipped Joes – lies in a building garage.
One candidate for the award is 520 West 28th, the building designed by the late Zaha Hadid; it has a fully automated 40-seat Park Plus parking system, which means any human wandering among vehicles can be instantly identified as out of place. A piece of privacy there will cost you an average of $ 8.3 million.
Better yet, the all-new five-residence Wren at 327 E. 84th St. on the Upper East Side: owners will drive their cars in an elevator, which takes them directly to their parking spot, before a separate elevator. takes them straight to their apartment – no halls, corridors or attendants (sales launch this fall). The only paparazzi who could break those defenses is Spider-Man.
The best for a life without a guest: Overview
One of the biggest drawbacks of living in New York is uninvited overnight guests – that distant cousin who suddenly becomes a best friend once you mention you’ve bought a new triplex in Tribeca.
Chris Turner-Neal, co-author of “The Misanthrope’s Guide to Life: (Go Away!)” Is a connoisseur of keeping people away.
“There is no extra space,” he said. “The space will be filled. A homeless nephew will appear. If you set up the other bedroom as a guest bedroom, your guests will not leave.
One option, of course, is to opt for a development with accessory apartments: studios sold only to existing owners to serve as slightly intrusive staff or family, a holdover from the Golden Age.
Greenwich Lane in Greenwich Village is quietly offering this option to its owners – the 500-square-foot spaces cost $ 1.26 million when sales launched. But even then, you might end up hosting.
Better to play it safe and get somewhere that emphasizes jewel apartments – well designed, but small, the majority intended for a singleton or a couple, max.
The best new option for that: the 67-story, 801-house condo complex at LIC, Skyline Tower, where 49% of its apartments are studios or rooms between $ 660,000 and just over $ 1 million – the perfect option.
If you’re hesitant about such a downsizing, consider another warning from Turner-Neal.
“We live in uncertain times,” he said. “Do you really want to have to get up and flee the Great Incel Army with the equivalent of a three-bedroom unit?” “
The Airbnb thug: Workshop
Of course, everyone knows that rentals under 30 days are now banned in New York City – not that the law has ever stopped a determined New Yorker from doing what they want.
“Drugs are illegal, aren’t they? Weapons too? Technically, yes. But once something is introduced to a market, it will probably never go away. Especially if sometimes it’s legal, “said Danny Rusteen, author of” Optimize YOUR Bnb: The Definitive Guide to Ranking # 1 in Airbnb Search “.
“New York is quite behind and behind on this one,” he added.
But if you dare to flout the pesky rental laws of the Big Apple, there are things to consider, says Rusteen: Setting up a keyless entry is crucial, as is the kitchen filled with amenities that will blow your minds. guests. But the ultimate key to Airbnb play is discretion.
One Manhattan apartment building learned it the hard way, becoming synonymous with the hustle and bustle of short-term rentals: the 475-unit Workshop at 635 W. 42nd St.
As The Post previously reported, angry residents accused the building’s board of operating a massive illegal Airbnb racket, which led to a city raid on the building in 2018.
The cheapest two-bedroom apartment for sale out there right now? $ 700,000. Load up what Airbnb says is the average amount of U.S. hosts received per guest arrival, $ 185, and you’ll pay it off easily in, oh, a little over a decade.