Cars laugh at us from their luxury condos

Finally, good news: a Toronto developer is building the city’s first car condo. This is good news for so many highly regarded premium cars that have “been through roaming,” as the saying goes, especially during the pandemic.

Chic cars had tried to shelter under the trees in the city parks, Porsches and Lamborghinis putting aside old rivalries and parking together in camps. As the cars later said, “You should have seen the police when they arrived!” Think about the grass they pulled up and the picnics they spoiled before they kicked us out.

It turned out that some troublemakers – code for Bugattis, Little Terrors, every car club has one – had used the splashpads, apparently painful for small children, one of which they ran over.

A crowd of awakened supporters showed up on bikes and fought for our right to the grassy knolls – it’s a ‘public’ park after all – but the cops said no tents, no parking, and we were sent off. on our way.

And now someone has finally extended a helping hand.

As the Star reports, the condominium will be in Etobicoke at the foot of the Gardiner, an industrial zoned area. It will offer 180,000 square feet of shelter, with 195 units and 39 penthouse suites spread over three floors. Units start from 565 square feet and can house at least four cars.

“The facility is expected to have 20 foot high ceilings, an air conditioning system, two car elevators and 24 hour security services. Individual units can be customized with car stackers, cabinets, siding. floor, lights, dehumidification units and car chargers. What, no Nespresso?

These are not rentals, God forbid. These are condos for people with sturdy wads of cash, nothing temporary about them.

I can’t say I like the look, but I’m not a sports car. With the gray pillars and the height, the “interior driving aisles” have a bit of a fascist look to their architecture, almost like car prisons.

It could be the wide corridors of the Outlook Hotel in Stephen King’s “The Shining” or maybe Sandringham, Queen Elizabeth’s rowdy castle, in the new “Spencer” movie with Princess Diana floating in dark corridors, lost and alone.

In The Guardian, a royal biographer once described Sandringham like “emphatically, almost hideously dark defiance… a hideous house with a horrible atmosphere in some parts, and in others no atmosphere at all. It was like a visit to the morgue.

But cars like that sort of thing. Have you seen any garages? Would you like to sleep in one? Condos are so luxurious that a wealthy owner might well spend the night there if there were any issues at home. Money makes people tense. The lack of money makes them more strained, I notice.

Another developer plans to build what is called a “vehicle showcase” in Toronto’s Leaside, with 84 units spread over three floors.

The complaint, and it is fair, is not only that homeless people need shelter more than cars, but cars need a roof over their heads in the first place. I have always been confused about car houses. Cars go outside, that’s their job, so why wouldn’t they live there too? They are steel, not marzipan.

Likewise, young people who can’t put down a down payment on an overpriced Toronto home might resent a Rolls-Royce Wraith or a Bentley Flying Spur in a condo so luxurious you can drive inside the building, and probably even party in the common area.

Sure, there are rules – no dogs, no Airbnbs – but the spaces are more appealing than those life-threatening illegal rooming houses that Scarborough chose not to regulate, or even your standard apartment in the city. basement.

Michael Ignatieff has written a book about it, “The Needs of Foreigners”. What do we owe our fellow citizens? I believe he said shelter, heat, water and a telephone. Now it probably looks like digital access. He would be right too.

The worry is that these cars have it all and a lot of people in Toronto don’t. Plus, owning gas-guzzling cars is not only cheesy, but a gift to the global warming. Pampering them around the clock is even more so.

Here’s my prediction: When the bad weather hits, people will destroy those cars for the fence posts, sleep in those weird condos, and be overjoyed.

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