There’s a reason they’re called ONE night stands
Whether it’s that girl you met for 15 minutes off Wire or that boy who looked vaguely attractive on Hinge, we’re all guilty of the cheeky “beat and delete” from time to time. time. A night of unconditional fun without the need to mention it again – what could go wrong? Many apparently. We asked you about your worst one-night stands…
‘As he lay on top of me he whispered in my ear, ‘Have you been privately educated?’
I don’t know if this guy was cosplaying a Tory or straight out of Charles Morris, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he said “Rah” when he finished.
“His drunk roommate accidentally walked into the room and stared at us for about 15 minutes. We didn’t notice until another roommate came and dragged him out’
Looks like someone wanted to get involved in a little 2-for-1 action. In the words of Melissa McCarthy, “WE HAVE A WATCHER.”
“She skateboarded in her room. Naked’
A true example of athletics. Someone trained at Woodhouse Moor.
‘His chain ripped off my nipple piercing…we carried on anyway’
The damage was already done; fair play to you for going through and tearing and all. Nothing but respect.
“He told me he had a seminar the next morning; it was saturday night
I sincerely hope he enjoyed his Sunday seminar. Bold of him to try to soften the blow with lies.
“He had used a tie to tie his pants and couldn’t untie them”
Nothing will kill the mood like not being able to take your pants off because you used your Year 11 tie as a belt.
“My back had spasms in the middle of the act. I had to phone my mum at 1:30 a.m. because I was convinced I would never walk again’
It brings a whole new definition to blowing your back.
“He got wet in the middle of the night, leaving me covered in pee. I needed a key fob to get out of the unit so I ended up jumping over the door to avoid more of his bodily fluids’
This golden shower doesn’t sound so golden.
“She just didn’t want to leave; tried to schedule another date in the evening and offered to stay home until I got back from class. I had to fake a family death just to get her out’
Passing your welcome will certainly never constitute the second round.
“The condom got lost inside me and came out 15 days later. He bought me a Hyde Park Shwarma as an apology.
Well, at least you tried to be safe. And while the kebab is a nice gesture, it’s not the hot, steamy ending you were looking for.
But don’t be put off; evenings wouldn’t be the same without the warm embrace of a sweaty little kitty in your bed.
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