However, many states separate us. In addition, his children and grandchildren are where he is, and mine live near me. What are we doing? Do we sit and see where life takes us, do we move forward with our lives independently, or do we take the leap of faith?
FAITH
A. “We both agree that nothing like this has ever happened to us in our lifetimes.”
It’s a big problem, isn’t it? If you can balance it financially, try spending a few weeks where one of you lives to see what it’s like to be together all the time. Maybe it will be so wonderful that bigger decisions will be easier to make.
Grandchildren are so important, but so is love. The tone of your letter makes it clear that you don’t want to let this go to maintain the status quo.
The leap of faith can be small. It can start with an extended trip – from a few weeks to several months. You can try to be in both places, one at a time, to get an idea of what you are missing. Work out a financial plan together to figure out how much the experience will cost. (Would the person visiting contribute to the household expenses? Would they rent out their place at home?) After these trips, assess the feelings. Maybe moving will be a no-brainer then, or maybe you’ll be by love and ready to go back to the way things were. (For the record, I’m rooted to keep things great.)
The question isn’t “Should I give up my whole life for this relationship?” It’s about the changes you can make to get the most out of everything.
MEREDITH
READERS REACT:
Love can seem all soft at first. Have you been together for a while? Start there to see if you’re even compatible outside of calls/texts.
GAUCHELUCY7
Sounds like it’s something you want. All other things can be solved once you figure out where it’s going. Just expect to spend more uninterrupted time with him. You might find things you don’t like.
HAZMAT80
Basically, you’re wondering, “What’s it going to look like after the magic wears off?” One of you will have to move, and this is only the beginning where perfection must face reality and learning to compromise becomes essential. You can stop now and say, “That was one hell of a party! or you can start working hard to make it a real relationship.
HELLO
If their kids are adults and one or both can work remotely or are retired and money isn’t an issue, they don’t have to live in the same place. This is a trend for older couples! LAT: Living together together.
RANDOM
I would suggest spending six months with him and six months with you. You can turn the empty place into a rental to spread the costs. This should give you enough information to make a good decision.
SUNALSORISED
Good luck! Try renting an Airbnb or anything close to each other, so you don’t have the pressure to move in together. Keep expectations low, but it looks like a very nice situation 🙂
LITTLE PENGUIN456
You realize that most people in their 50s have jobs and other responsibilities that they can’t just give up for a romantic sabbatical.
CRISNE CHICKEN
The grandchildren are fabulous (I have six) but they have a bad habit of growing up and moving on. Don’t deprive yourself of this opportunity just for this reason, but TALK to your children about the impact an impending move will have on them. Same advice for the class of ’84 of course.
HIKERGALNH128
Internet romance and real life experience = not interchangeable.
AUNTTIGGYWINK
Send your own relationship and dating questions to [email protected] or fill in this form. Check out new episodes of Meredith Goldstein’s “Love Letters” podcast on loveletters.show or wherever you listen to podcasts. Column and comments are edited and reprinted from boston.com/loveletters.
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