I realized after posting the first Sunday sentences that these are just Tommy’s Thursday thoughts in sentence form. But Tommy’s thoughts have been canceled so I think I’m clear.
Flatbush is a funny name for a neighborhood. Every time I hear it, I imagine someone getting a pubic straightener.
I have an engraver Twitter account that I haven’t used in a while. My friend also has a burner account, and together we used to harass this Carolina Panthers fan named Nick The Slick. I just tried to find Nick The Slick’s account, but it appears to have been suspended. I will send $5 to the first person who finds my engraver. It’s not well hidden.
People always say they feel shame after masturbating. I have never. I don’t feel good or bad. I just feel like before, except I’m less excited.
Last summer my left front turn signal went out. I have a Jeep Patriot, and to change the turn signal you basically have to remove the entire front bumper. It’s extremely annoying. I never fixed it. I just rode and avoided left turns as much as possible. Thank goodness I’m selling the car, so it will be someone else’s problem soon.
An alert saying “Antivirus, your computer is at risk” pops up on my laptop screen every few hours. I never approached it. I probably never will. The bar stool is probably at risk.
There was an open bar at the Barstool Mini Golf Tournament last week. No one was drinking at first so I was afraid to order anything. But after the first round, I snuck down to the bar and ordered a double Jack and Coke. I was hoping people would assume it was a regular Coke. I think I cheated on them.
The guy I rent my Airbnb to is a cool Chinese man named Jimmy. I can tell it’s cool because there are Supreme stickers all over the apartment. My room still has no air conditioning. Jimmy says he’ll be installing one soon, but I’ll believe him when I see him.
I don’t know how people live without AC. I can’t even relax in my own room until 10 p.m. when it’s cooled down a bit. I just walked around random cafes in town to use their wifi. I ordered a lot of fancy juices. I’m looking for the best juice in New York. Maybe I should see them again. The bar stool desperately needs more reviews. If anyone knows of an exceptionally good place for juice, I’d love to hear about it.
I went to Djai in Jersey Shore this weekend. I liked it. It was exactly what I expected. I met Fun Anthony. He was even more fun than I expected.
My least favorite thing about New York is that if I go anywhere after work, I have to be responsible for my backpack. Especially in bars. I keep leaving my backpack in bars. As soon as I’ve had a few drinks, it’s like it’s gone.
I had forgotten how much I liked going to bars in big cities alone. It’s embarrassing when you’re somewhere where you can meet people you know, but I don’t know anyone here so that’s great.
I can’t believe they let anyone rent a U-Haul. Anyone can just walk into the U-Haul store, swipe a credit card, and hand over the keys to a 20ft truck. I’m about to do it in a few weeks. It will be a miracle if I survive.
My dog has no idea he’s about to move to New York and never see the grass again. He’s gonna be so pissed off. I’m sorry, Dock.
I can’t wait to start betting on giant college football favorites. Alabama’s money line is gonna make me rich.
I am less satisfied with my sentences this week. The blog wheel is coming soon. Probably Tuesday.
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