Kind of like having to swap VHS tapes when watching Titanic, we start this episode where we left off: on a doomed boat. Jen complains that Angie can’t stand a joke, while Angie insists that she doesn’t think having a drink poured on her is a joke (a fair point). While comforting a spiraling Jen to protect herself from her impending wrath, Heather agrees with everything Jen says while casually pointing out that Lisa sided with Angie right away.
Jen, who might not have noticed this otherwise, is now furious with Lisa, complaining in a confessional that Lisa didn’t even come up to her and ask if she was okay. This is one of the funniest complaints I’ve ever heard. It would be like asking if a car is okay after it’s hit someone. Imagine Lisa Barlow walking past a champagne-soaked Angie to ask if Jen’s wrist hurts from throwing it away and if she can get her a refill.
It doesn’t take long for this new grudge to kick in, and while the rest of the women think it’s time to party with the boat’s DJ and do handstand twerks, Jen isn’t. not in fun mode – she’s in attack mode. The second Lisa approaches, a very drunk Jen chases after her, catching her completely off guard. Jen keeps trying to run away as Lisa rushes after her trying to figure out why she’s angry and physically holds her so she can’t escape. “What am I doing wrong?” Lisa asks, trying to calm her down, but Jen pushes her away and throws an entire charcuterie board into the ocean. That’s how you know things are serious. There’s nothing these women love more than a charcuterie board, so throwing one overboard is a real act of war.
Finally, Lisa reaches her breaking point. “Stop being a bitch!” I didn’t do anything to you,” Lisa shouts at Jen. At this point, Heather springs into action, attempting to defuse the situation she’s caused by breaking them up and snuggling up with a crying Jen. “I know you’ve never been ambushed like this, it’s horribly painful,” Heather tells him as if she hadn’t been ambushed by an entire SWAT team last season. The rest of the women head for the boat while Heather sits with Jen, even urging her to drink a bottle of water to counteract whatever she’s been drinking.
Heather jokes that they should throw Angie’s purse in the ocean to teach her a lesson, and suddenly Jen’s ears perk up. “JUST KIDDING”, Heather has to urgently clarify, but it’s too late. “Who do they belong to?” Jen asks as she picks up a pair of shoes before throwing them off the boat into the sea. Jen has enough legal trouble as it is; now she will face fines from the San Diego Coast Guard.
Below deck, a producer mentions that someone’s shoe is floating in the water and panic erupts. Lisa Barlow leaps, “Oh my Godshe cries as if she had just been told that Baby Gorgeous himself had been thrown overboard. “I hope these aren’t my Saint Laurents!” The women storm the poo deck, hastily searching for their own shoes in the wreckage. Whitney only gets one back, and Heather, being the ride-or-die that she is, lies that the other slipped. The pair that Jen really threw was, in fact, Angie K.’s, who is looking everywhere for her pair of $1,500 kicks. “No one touched your shoes, Angie,” Jen says with such confidence that I almost believe her even though I saw her throw them overboard moments earlier.
With some of their ranks barefoot, the women climb back into the sprinter van for the ride home, where Jen appears to be at death’s door. They give her a Monster Energy drink to sober her up, which I’m afraid is like feeding gremlins after midnight. I need a Magic school bus episode about how Jen Shah’s body manages to completely reject and overcome this Monster Energy drink because instead of exciting it, it takes an hour and a half ‘rally nap’ in the back of the parked sprinter van when they arrive back home.
While Jen sleeps outside, Heather calls our group’s current outcast, Angie H., who’s gone glam and FaceTimed her ring light to get to that trip to San Diego. Although her absence means less name confusion between the two Angies, Heather says she would love to be there because she’s “pure fun without any drama”, which is the craziest thing Heather has ever said. . If there’s one thing Angie H. is known for, it’s standout drama. Heather fills her in on the dynamics of the trip, and like the rest of the group, Angie H. is confused about Heather’s relationship with Jen. Are they fighting or are they best friends? It seems like a comfortable thing on a surface level right now, with Heather saying she likes to have fun with Jen but doesn’t have a lot of expectations. That’s fine, but as Angie points out, Jen probably won’t be reasonable with her in the moments that really matter.
And talk of the devil: a well-rested Jen returns from her slumber in the van just in time for the dinner party she’s hosting. It’s not a moment too soon since the women are all starving, having had nothing but champagne and tequila all day — because, apparently, Bravo blew its artisan services budget on this lavish Airbnb in San Diego. A triumphant Jen emerges for the celebration, wearing one of the four wigs she brought for the three-day trip, and leads the women to her traditional Polynesian luau, complete with roast pig and fire dancers. “These fire dancers are amazing. The sad thing is, I’m going to have to put them aside afterwards and let them know that they probably won’t get paid,” says Angie K., continuing to bring in her confessional zingers.
But those aren’t the only dancers Jen has lined up, because while they’re eating, the Fun Police (aka strippers) make their entrance. “It’s quite ironic,” says Heather. “Last time I was this close to the cops, I thought they were strippers and they turned out to be federal agents. But unlike the SWAT team in the Beauty Lab parking lot, these cops are doing a lap dance to Whitney. “We got a call that there was a noise complaint…that it was too quiet,” the strippers say, which doesn’t hit as hard when the women shouted at each other at full volume all day.
Unfortunately, the strippers leave before things get really rowdy, which happens when the conversation finally turns to the conflict between Jen and Danna. But the thing is, nothing really happened between the two of them – Danna just doesn’t like the way Jen treats everyone, so she’s taken it upon herself to make being the peanut gallery her whole story. . Yeah, it’s boring, but to be fair, it’s interesting to have a stranger walk in and be like, Wait, is that how you all live? She doesn’t like the way Jen treated the two Angies and then turns the conversation to the conflict between Jen and Heather, which has so far been swept under the rug.
We find out that the apology Jen demanded from the Harringtons for ShahXposed was denied after their lawyer advised against it because they want no association with her (apart from being her castmates, apparently). Jen is understandably livid about it, while Heather, caught between the two, says she understands why they won’t. Jen’s head spins hearing that, and she focuses on Heather like a sleeper agent hearing her trigger phrase.
Suddenly someone calls on Angie K. to defend Danna’s shitty hustle and says Heather is spouting a lot of bullshit. Angie says she doesn’t understand why Jen is friends with her, and Heather quickly replies, “I’m trying to understand your relationship because she threw your shoes off the yacht today,” completely blowing Jen’s cover. . It’s perplexing to Heather (and me) why Angie is suddenly the arbiter of being a good friend to Jen when she wiped her out on the sprinter van just hours ago. People in glass houses shouldn’t throw shoes.
Our next fighter heading to the ring is Lisa Barlow, who jumps in to bring up all the shit Jen talked about last week in Whitney’s hot tub, where she complained about Heather being a bad friend. She’s fed up with all the dishonesty and wants to come clean, including the fact that she’s mad at Jen for attacking her on the yacht.
“When did I come to see you today?” I sincerely ask. The question becomes: Does Jen not remember because she was drunk or because she has a very selective (and hypocritical) memory? Lisa thinks it’s the latter, saying, “She only remembers what hurts her, but it doesn’t matter what she does or says to anyone else. That’s how Jen works. That’s basically the thesis of the whole series. Continuing her perfect analysis, Lisa points out that all of these changing dynamics are simply because Jen had a falling out with Angie K., so now she’s riding the Heather wave. Basically, Jen has no object permanence when in conflict – she can only focus on the one directly in front of her.
At some point during this fight, Jen removes her huge hairpiece, and in a move just as serious as a continuity error, she turns to Angie and offers her a heartfelt apology for the champagne pour, which Angie believes and accepts. Jen even goes so far as to say that Angie K. is the only one at the table with whom she knows where they stand. It’s a completely jarring exchange for everyone there. Fish are choking on designer shoes over this argument, and now we’re all suddenly good?
It’s enough for Heather and Lisa to walk away from the table and end dinner, where the rules are set and the points don’t matter. “I’m going to take Jen her hair,” Meredith said as she tucked the discarded extensions back inside.
Comments are closed.