SPOILER ALERT FOR ALL 10 EPISODES OF TRAITORS!
The best new show of 2023 so far is Traitorswhich is basically the Mafia card game, set in a Scottish castle.
I watched all 10 episodes of a FURY and had a bunch of thoughts. Here they are in chronological order:
1.
OMG It’s Rachel Reilly! AND CRIE! AND Brandi Glanville is already drinking and we’re only into the intro package.
2.
Wow, this castle is beautiful! I wonder how much it costs Airbnb.
3.
I used to play Mafia so much in high school study halls. I was born to play this game. Is there an open casting site for season 2?
4.
Wow, Alan Cumming is EATING in this Scottish beauty pageant.
5.
Why are these B-lists competing for just $250,000? Aren’t they rich?
6.
Oh, they don’t actually have to be that rich…
7.
However, I don’t care one iota of non-famous people.
8.
Waaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttt……..Who is Kyle?
9.
BRB goes to look at Kyle’s Instagram page for a few minutes.
11.
I hope these headbands actually work.
12.
YEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS, Cirie is a traitor!
13.
Christian seems boring as hell. I hate his felt. Poor Ciri.
14.
Okay, Cody was good on his seasons of Big brother. He and Cirie will be good at that.
15.
“GΓ©raldine contracted her leg” is a reason to be wary? This game actually gives NOTHING to those players.
16.
Alright, first challenge. Why these statues of giant rabbits?
17.
Glad they made some money. I don’t know what these challenges have to do with the game, though. Feel a bit shoehorned.
18.
Will competitors be able to hear traitors moving around the castle at night?
19.
On second thought, do we think they actually sleep at the castle? I bet a lot of this is pulled out of sight.
20.
Cirie doesn’t seem happy to be stuck with Christian, and I’m here with her.
21.
Please don’t kill Brandi. Make it Reza.
22.
This breakfast doesn’t look super appetizing.
23.
Oh well, it was Reza.
24.
I would NOT want to be buried alive, and that’s a lot of dirt on those graves.
25.
Why is Michael saying “Let’s banish Geraldine” while they’re digging up bodies?
26.
Stop worrying about Geraldine’s leg twitching. Vote for Michael because he’s boring as hell.
27.
Yes Brandy. I think we all need a glass of wine.
28.
Goodbye, Bam. Glad they sent a normie home.
29.
Rachel seems to be the only person on this show who has heard music in her life.
30.
Kyle, but πππππππππ
31.
These challenges are actually easy, right? They’re going to win them all, aren’t they?
32.
Brandi knows everything. She knows who all the traitors are. Always trust a drunk. Didn’t we learn that from game of thrones?
33.
I don’t care who you think the traitors are; you honestly can’t want to live in a house with Michael any more than Brandi, can you?
34.
Team Brandi and Kate for life. Obsessed with Kate. i have to start watching Under the bridge just for his comment.
35.
SHE WAS A FAITHFUL MOTHERFUCKING! You are all morons. How dare these standards come on this show and vote for Brandi Glanville! I hope Cirie assassinates them all in the night.
36.
Michael survived the last murder…we’re lucky.
37.
These normies will cry over anything. They really chose the weakest humans alive for this show.
38.
I love this Ferris wheel, but I wish the questions were nastier and everyone had to answer individually. Kate is a badass.
39.
Oh look, Michael is crying again.
40.
Quentin is acting VERY fair for someone who votes incorrectly against Queen Kate.
41.
Thank the lord for banishing Michael. I don’t even care that there are only 14 people left and they haven’t caught a single traitor.
42.
Cirie, you are PLAYING this game. Force Cody to murder her best friend. DO IT.
43.
I know Ryan was probably the most famous person on this show, but he had great normal energy for me.
44.
Alan’s wardrobe stylist deserves multiple Emmys.
45.
Waaaaaiiiiittttttt…those normies better not try to evict my fiancΓ© Kyle or my queen Kate. I will be so angry.
46.
Christian yelling and hugging people at breakfast has to be a treat, right?
47.
I don’t understand why Alan has to give clues in that cabin and then have people run down the aisle of the church. I love these spooky masks, though.
48.
Why does everyone think that dramatic actors are the Traitors? Wouldn’t you be cool if you were a traitor?
49.
Truly? Are we going after Kyle and Kate? When there are still all these silent standards around you? Shouldn’t someone be aware that traitors blend in?
50.
I love Cirie, but doesn’t she seem pretty calm? For example, is it just because I know she is a traitor that she seems to me to be?
51.
ANYONE OF YOU VOTE FOR KYLE AND KATE MAY ROT IN HELL.
52.
Kyle. If you are reading this, please call me.
53.
Who was Amanda again?
54.
Rachel wears ugly outfits and Princess Diana wore Kate’s sweater.
55.
OK, Anjelica the Weeper, Rachel and Kate are on trial. If the traitors don’t kill Anjelica, I’ll cause a riot. The other two televisions are spotless.
56.
Agreed, this barrel roll challenge is the best of the series so far. Obsessed.
57.
Throw those barrels, Kate! Throw one for Brandi! Throw one for Kyle! Throw one to Christian! (It was a joke, I can’t stand violence.)
58.
Christian needs a haircut, though.
59.
Intrigued by this drama from Shield, but Arie getting it is quite disappointing.
60.
Ooooooooooo we finally catch a traitor!
61.
Rachel vs. Cody is the drama I didn’t know I needed in my life!
63.
Oh, Cirie and ugly hat Christian voted for their fellow traitor!
64.
Why don’t the Traitors try harder to throw themselves under the bus? If only one wins, they don’t have to split the money.
65.
Of course idiot Quentin is going to vote for Kate.
66.
Okay. One less traitor. Two to do. Why is Shelbe so upset about Cody leaving?
67.
Oh, and the traitors murder the whiner Anjelica! This is still my favorite episode!
68.
Shelbe. Daughter. Put them together. It’s embarassing.
69.
Not as embarrassing as everyone’s memorization abilities, though. FRAME.
70.
Arie really knows which box to choose here. I wish he was so good at making choices The single person, am I right?
71.
Yeah, they all vote for Shelbe. FINALLY, people have given up on Kate.
72.
There are only eight people left, and the Traitors are recruiting ANOTHER member? It seems strange to me.
73.
Of course, it is better to be a Traitor than a Faithful. You can’t be assassinated, so you’re safe for half kills. Who wouldn’t take this opportunity?
74.
WTF! Why is Christian telling this random lie about being recruited by the traitors. Idiot. Send him home.
75.
This challenge is CRAZY. They dump buckets of real insects on these poor people.
76.
It is the purest hell a person can find themselves in.
77.
Oh shit, Rachel is going FULL TERRACE.
78.
Rachel is television gold. Put it on every show.
79.
It is a SPECTACULAR drama. She makes everyone cry.
80.
Cirie is really a mastermind not to be suspected at all.
81.
Thank you, Quentin, for once again appearing holier than you by eliminating another Faithful.
82.
I will miss Rachel, but LONG LIVE KATE!
83.
Oh wow, I didn’t see a Stephenie murder coming. I thought for sure they would have rejected Quentin, but alas.
84.
OK, the last six. Three traitors. How will this work? Can’t they just make a covenant and throw out the three remaining faithful ones?
85.
I’m going to fast forward in this laser challenge. For Season 2, they really need to make them more relevant to the game somehow.
86.
OK, let’s send Christian home, everyone! LET’S STAY ON THE SAME PAGE.
87.
OK, Quentin, by all means, vote for Kate again. Your self-confidence needs to be bottled up and sold.
88.
Cirie and Arie voted against Christian, it’s glorious. FINALLY, I don’t need to see him screaming at the breakfast table in his ugly hat.
89.
Ooooooooo no more murders. So the Faithful have a chance! (And by the faithful, I mean Queen Kate.)
90.
Kate is so crazy jumping out of that helicopter. A real star. Give him the money.
91.
Oh, so they just changed the amounts on those bags to get the band to $250,000? So those challenges really didn’t matter.
92.
UGH! Quentin dares to vote AGAIN for Kate! I hope Cirie takes all her money.
93.
Cirie was smart to take Kate out. She was the smartest of the faithful, though that’s not saying much.
94.
Cirie has this whole snowy world. She and Arie will walk away with that money no problem.
95.
Okay. Okay. It’s an interesting endgame, but what if there’s a tie in one of those endgame votes? Is anyone going to answer that?
96.
Surely Quentin and Andie are smart enough to think there had to be more than two traitors in the game, right? They must know that he remains a traitor.
97.
Op. No. They are stupid. So, so, so, so stupid.
98.
Ciri. It’s BALLSY trying to get them to vote Arie out at the last minute, but I respect the decision.
99.
Arie. Did you come all this way just to quit? I mean, I realize you need less money, but like, come on!
100.
Alright, well Cirie definitely won now. Quentin hasn’t made a single correct call this whole game, and he’s just going to give you the money.
101.
QUEEN CIRIE FINALLY WIN!!!!!!!
102.
My God, they cry a lot. OK, Alan, let’s kick the normal losers off the stage. Give Cirie her moment of glory.
103.
Also look at Alan’s brooch.
104.
Can’t wait for season 2. No standards, though, please and thank you. You can find 20 reality stars. I’m confident.
105.
Heather Gay for Traitors Season 2!
Watch all 10 episodes of Traitors only on Peacock!
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