DEAR DEIDRE: I have a furtive suspicion that my fiance cheated on me during a boys’ weekend.
We’ve been together for five years and have been living together for two years. I am 32 years old and he is 33.
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I’ve never had a reason to doubt him before, although I know he played a bit on the pitch when he was younger.
But last weekend he went for a bachelor party with some of his friends at an Airbnb in Cornwall.
Originally the trip was to be in Amsterdam but Covid made it too complicated.
I was relieved at the change of plan. Part of me worried about what the boys might do in the red light district.
While my fiancé was away, I felt good. I had a great time meeting up with friends.
I guess he hasn’t texted me much, but I’m not clingy and we both love our own space.
When he returned he had to go straight to work. I couldn’t find my phone charger so I went to rummage through his suitcase to borrow his.
But as I was pouring her clothes on the bed, a sealed packet of condoms fell out.
I was so shocked that I felt sick. I have a spool and we haven’t used a condom for a year.
I wanted to say something but I don’t know how to approach it.
He acts normally, telling me all about the trip and what his friends have been up to.
A few of them have slept with local girls. What if he did too?
Part of me is afraid to hear the truth. If he admits to cheating, our marriage will be called off.
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But I get more and more frustrated and angry every day. It gnaws at me.
My gut says it takes me for a cup. Should I throw it out or demand an explanation?
DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t jump to conclusions. There could be an innocent explanation.
Condoms may have been in the suitcase for a long time, or may not even belong to your boyfriend.
It’s interesting that you said you felt relieved that they didn’t go to Amsterdam.
Maybe you didn’t trust him completely before his trip. This suggests that you need to work on building trust in your relationship.
Saying nothing won’t make it go away. You have to confront him with what you have found.
Make it clear that you haven’t snooped around and explain how upset you feel.
Ask him to be honest with you. If you’re happy with her explanation, I hope you can get your relationship back on track.
My support pack, Caring for Your Relationship, should help.
But if he admits to cheating, you’ll have to ask yourself if you can get over it. Read my support pack, Cheat, can you get over it?
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