Given the problems plaguing the Australian team in their first week at the 2016 Rio de Janeiro Olympics – blocked toilets and bare wires who delayed their registration, trash fire who set off a fire alarm early in the morning, stolen laptops and uniforms during said fire alarm, and gastrointestinal disease which left four athletes in quarantine – frustrations are boiling over Down Under.
So a heroic Aussie inserted some humor, displaying the Olympic Village in Rio de Janeiro on the country’s Airbnb site for $104 per night under the description “minimalist incomplete chic”.
Jokingly listed for more than 16 residents in a 10-bedroom apartment with just seven beds and a half-bath – complete with fake photos of a prison-style bed, overflowing toilet, shattered electrical box and a horse on balcony – comic description reads:
Our cozy rooms are accessible by construction elevator and all bedding complies with the 1949 Geneva Convention.
The bathrooms are gracefully adorned with dual toilets/water and the living room is adorned with the romantic crackle of live wires.
Admire the alluring chestnut waters of Lagoa de Jacarepagua as they teem with life, which is microscopic in nature.
The rooms don’t have smoke detectors, but all the walls are filled with enough asbestos to withstand a demonic inferno.
The pseudo suite is ‘not suitable for babies’, although amenities include a pool filled with brown water (‘We only use 100% organic, chlorine-free water, so always remember – ‘Mouth closed or you go!'”) and a fitness center with decrepit equipment (“our elite facilities subject the human body to the same levels of stress as high altitude training, but at sea level “).
[Related: IOC offers website for media to file complaints on Rio treatment]
Finally, this fictional apartment has a handful of house rules that guests must follow during their stay:
– Keep your mouth closed when swimming
– Clean urine provided daily
– The pool is 100% organic chlorine free
– Russians not allowed
– Free anti-kidnapping courses
– Shower curtains must be sewn by hand by the guests
This last element is a nod to Australian basketball legend Andrew Bogut, who shared on Twitter his trials and tribulations with a shower curtain upon his arrival in Rio earlier this week. While we hope Aussies won’t be distracted during their stay once the Olympics begin in earnest on Friday, they have at least one fellow Aussie to thank for upsetting those frowns. (Or are they still right side up under the equator in Australia? Either way, good for you, mate!)
Yahoo Sports’ Greg Wyshynski reports live from the streets of Rio:
Demagoguery: A Yahoo Sports Podcast
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is a contributor for The ball does not lie and stop corner on Yahoo Sports. Do you have any advice? Email him at [email protected] or follow him on Twitter! Follow @brohrbach
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